Getting Back Together – Phase II

You may find that your partner calls you first and in this case try and act pleased to hear them, not angry or desperate. You should avoid pushing them into a situation where they have no choice or attempting to make them feel guilty as this will ruin any chance of you getting back together.

If they do call, this is an excellent opportunity to propose that you meet, preferably over dinner, so you can discuss matters further. Or you can adopt another strategy that may give you a little more time and that is to say that maybe they were right and you both need some breathing space but that you would like to remain friends. This will give you time to start rebuilding the relationship from the foundation up.

So, if you are at the stage where you have both agreed to be just friends for now you can use this opportunity to create a stronger bond between the two of you. It is the perfect time to find out how they want their needs to be fulfilled. In essence you need to rebuild trust so that they can have their need for certainty satisfied which you probably need as well.

Rebuilding trust is a two way street and you must both accept your share of the problem as well as forgiving each other. Even if it seems that only one side is to blame, often the actions of one person can be in reaction to some things the other person did or didn’t do.

For example, you may have grown distant because you didn’t feel loved or that you came first to your partner but he or she doesn’t know this because of lack of communication. You both need to be honest with each other.

If you want trust you also must give trust, in other words do what you would like done unto you so you have to be willing to take the first step and have faith in both your partner and the relationship.

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Getting Back Together – Phase I

There are a lot of ideas out there on how to get back together with your ex, which can be useful but it all depends on what you want. If you just want them back for the sake of it then you can use reverse psychology techniques and similar strategies but be aware that these are unlikely to help you recreate a meaningful relationship that can stand the test of time.

On the other hand if you truly love your partner and know they love you too then you have to invest a little more time and emotion into the whole process. In this article we will look at some techniques that may be useful in the short term to get you back together and subsequently we shall explore how you should strengthen the relationship to rekindle lost love and passion.

The most prevalent advice you will find is that you should not initiate any form of contact with your ex for a minimum of three weeks with the reasoning that this is when loneliness spikes and they will be more open to you as suddenly they begin to realize what it is like to be without you.

However, this tactic can also backfire as your partner may feel you are not interested and that is why you are not calling. This is where insight into the breakup become invaluable as it will help you determine whether your partner leaving was because they didn’t want to be with you or whether it was their way of showing you that you aren’t meeting their needs. Some people withdraw in the hopes that their partner will pursue them as they need to feel secure about how much they are loved.

You may have also heard that a good strategy is to make your ex jealous by going out with other people as this will instill in them the fear of losing you completely. This is also a tactic that can easily backfire and destroy all shreds of trust left between the two of you because it will appear to your partner that they cannot depend on you at all. Most people want to feel they can rely on their partners completely, especially when times are hard so if you go running off to date someone else in an attempt to make them jealous, your actions may be perceived as running away from a difficult situation.

There is a way around this and that is to go out with your friends, which will also help you calm down as it can be extremely difficult to analyze the situation if you can’t get past the pain. You need to move on from the point of blame as it won’t help the relationship if you are only focused on playing the blame game. You need to uncover the problem to be able to create a solution as you are probably both to blame or you wouldn’t want them back. It does take two to tango after all.

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Contacting Your Ex

The biggest problem most people dealing with break ups face is trying to figure out why their ex wont speak to them about what went wrong. Most people’s first instinct is to call or send a text message to ask what happened or to try and plead with their ex to reconsider.

Each time you do contact your ex, you’re subtly telling him that you’re not capable of existing without him. While this might sound romantic and noble in a Hollywood film, in reality you’re sending your ex a sure sign of your insecurity and high dependence.

Think back once again to when you first met. You would have been happy and fun to be around. You would have been quite happy to do things for yourself in your own life, deal with your own things and generally be independent.

Now consider all those desperate pleas to get back together, crying and swearing your undying love for your ex.

Your ex will be seeing someone completely different sitting there than the person he fell in love with, so the more you call or text or email, the less likely it is that he’ll want to talk.

Stop contacting him at once.

Spend some time reconnecting to the person you used to be. Build up your own self-esteem once again and start going out with friends to take your mind off things. Such simple advice is almost never taken seriously by someone who is so desperately wanting to keep in contact with their ex, afraid that if they dont speak to him, he might meet someone else.

Unfortunately, it’s good advice. Give your ex some time to miss you. Give him a little space to make him understand what he’s lost and what life is like when you’re not around. You don’t have to wait weeks and weeks. Just give him a little time to see what it’s like being apart.

When you’re feeling a little happier about who you are and what you really want, only then give him a call and suggest you meet for a friendly chat. Meet somewhere public and make sure it’s relaxed. Have plenty of casual, light-hearted topics planned for conversation and avoid talking about the relationship. You want your ex to see that you’re capable of taking responsibility for your own happiness and not completely dependent on him to provide it for you.

When he does see the original happy, bubbly person he fell in love with sitting there opposite him instead of the crying, upset, miserable person he didn’t know how to help, he’ll begin to realize that he did miss you after all.

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How to contact your ex

Look Within To Win Your Ex Back

Are you the same person he or she fell in love with? This is a difficult question to answer but if you are honest with yourself you will be able to do it pretty effectively.

Think about the last few times you were together. Were you the same loving, fun person your ex fell in love with? Did you spend time together enjoying each other’s company? Or were your last few meetings filled with tears, jealousy, disagreements and arguments?

Perhaps you’re one of the unlucky ones who thought everything was going along just fine, when your partner broke it off unexpectedly. No matter what the cause, there are always reasons behind the actions, even when they’re not immediately evident.

Life has a tendency to change us and drag us down if we don’t fight against the current of depression that seems to be so fashionable nowadays. The problem with depression is that it’s a vicious cycle. When we are depressed we turn on everyone, especially anyone who dares take us out of this state, and then we feel bad for acting the way we did so we sink even deeper into this state of depression.

So, ask yourself this, did you let life drag you down so much that you forgot about what is truly important in life? Did you allow financial worries to eat away at you so much that you couldn’t see how you were treating your partner?

Perhaps your own situation was more related to how everyone changes a little when they fall in love. After all, before you both met, you were independent, happy people, going about your own lives. Once you got into a relationship together, you both became a little dependent on the other to provide happiness, pleasure, security and comfort. This can become a problem if the part of you your ex fell in love with was your independence.

So, how much have you changed since you first met your ex? Do you like the person you have become? Were you a carefree, fun person with an insatiable love of life and now you have become someone who gets irritated at the drop of a hat?

If the changes in you are so vast you barely recognize yourself and you definitely don’t like who you have become then maybe it’s time you started doing something about it. After all, if you don’t like yourself this way, don’t you think that it will also have an impact on how your partner feels too?

If you are serious about getting your ex back then you have to be honest with yourself here. Stare at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself: Who have I become? If you don’t like the answer then it’s time to think about who you really are if you want to get your ex back and build a lasting relationship together.

The only way to rebuild your relationship is to first create lasting change within yourself. Work on building up your self-esteem and your self-opinion. Regain your old confidence and see if the happy, bubbly version of you is still in there. Otherwise you will just end up in the same old cycle that got you in this situation in the first place.

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What Do You Want When You Get Your Ex Back

Clearly you want your ex back if you are reading this article. However, what we need to look at is why. Are you absolutely sure it is because you love them? Or could it be because you are afraid of being alone?

After being in a relationship for a while everyone becomes dependent, to a degree, on their partner. This emotional attachment or dependence is what keeps relationships together when sometimes they should have long been over. So you need to look inside yourself and objectively analyze why you want this person back.

Is it really love or is it pride that they were the one to end things before you? This can be a difficult question to answer. But if you close your eyes an visualize your life in 15 or 20 years and your partner is not there, how do you feel? If your reaction is a gut-wrenching pain then it could very well be love. However, if your answer is that you either can’t visualize or your feelings are rather vague then forget about your pride and move on.

Since we all do things to either avoid pain or gain pleasure the question you need to ask yourself is two questions:

Do you link pleasure with their presence?

Do you link pain with their absence?

You may think they are both the same things but theres quite a large distinction between the two.

If you are focusing more on the pleasure that results from their presence, then you truly do want them in your life as a person and a partner. However if you are focusing on the pain of their absence and how miserable youll feel if youre alone, this may be purely because everyone needs a connection and what is really hurting you is being alone, not necessarily being without the other person.

You have to ask yourself whether you are afraid of going out into the big world alone because you have been so used to being part of a couple. Your pain may be linked to a fear of starting out again and connecting with other people.

However, if your painful feelings are linked to being without your partner and you feel without a doubt, after a little introspection, that you can’t live without them, then you need to understand what went wrong so you know what needs to be fixed.

Do not expect it to be an easy journey because everything in life requires commitment. You may discover things about yourself that are painful, but if you truly wish to change and rekindle your lost love then you need to stay the course.

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Is It Possible to Get Your Ex Back?

Couples break up and decide to get back together every day.

Sometimes break ups happen for reasons that seem strange to us. Other times, small things may have gotten in the way of the bigger relationship picture.

It”s important to consider the reasons why you broke up before you begin looking at the ways to rekindle love.

Many people begin to blame themselves, thinking they’ve done something wrong to ruin the relationship. They go through every conversation and action, wondering what it was that made your partner suddenly decide he or she didn’t want to be with you any longer.

When this kind of self-blame happens, it can destroy your confidence levels and make things even more difficult to deal with.

Perhaps the biggest consideration you need to work through is why you want your partner back. Of course you miss being with your partner, but think carefully about the relationship you had.

Was it really that good, or were there parts about your lover you overlooked because you were in love? Did you have enough in common to create a lasting bond that would develop into a long term relationship? Did one or the other of you do something to break the trust between you?

Once you’ve answered these questions, it’s time to tackle some ways to help you get your ex back.

However, before you decide to attack the matter like a regular commando, with your war paint on and screaming “I will get you back if I have to walk to hell and back”, you need to do a little soul searching and a little objective analysis or you may ruin it all again.

You see, your ex is already thinking that things didn’t work between you. Even if you do manage to get him to give things another try, what will make him believe anything will be any different the second time around?

Are you both going to fall back into old patterns that ended the relationship in the first place?

Or are you prepared to build a solid foundation of love and trust so that the second time around is the one that lasts a lifetime?

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is it possible to get your ex back

Realizing Your Ex Is Gone

The sad truth about all people is that we never fully comprehend or appreciate what we have until we lose it and this is also true of relationships. We tend to take the beautiful moments for granted and only focus on the bad times, usually escalating arguments into fighting matches that leaves both parties involved with terrible wounds.

If you have already gone past that stage and your partner has decided to end the relationship you may be in a state of total shock because you maybe never even saw it coming.

The first stage is total and complete denial, you can’t believe this is happening, it’s not real, they will be back, it’s only a heat of the moment decision, are all thoughts that are running around in your head.

Then you start finding it difficult to breathe as you realize that it actually did happen and they are gone. You feel as if someone is ripping the heart out of your chest and the pain is unbearable. You don’t want to face the world and you feel there is nothing that will ever make you feel better. You shut yourself off from the world for days on end, still hoping that maybe if you go sleep when you wake up you will find it was a nightmare.

Unfortunately, when you wake up nothing has changed and your love is still gone. Now you have to try and pull yourself together as much as you can because you have to get to work and you can’t look like a complete mess. You go through your day in a completely catatonic state, unable to pay attention to anything.

You start to hate people who tell you theres plenty of other fish in the sea because you know you only want THAT fish.

After a while, you realize you can’t live without your ex.

Everywhere you go, everything you see reminds you of the love you once shared and it is eating you up inside. From the couch where you used to cuddle to watch a movie, to your favorite restaurant where you laughed together over a plate of pasta, to the park bench where you used to sit together and watch the people walk by.

That is the moment you decide that you want your ex back, but not just any way. Where possible, you want to rekindle the love that was the foundation of such a beautiful relationship.

However, you must be careful as you start to rekindle your relationship with your ex. To much too soon and you will drive him further away. In the next few series of articles you will begin to see the steps that you must take.

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Friends with Your Ex: Should You?

Whether or not you can be friends with your ex spouse is a difficult question to answer. In some cases, it all depends on how the relationship ended. However, if you have children you will have to at least be civil to each other for their sake.

You may often find yourself drawn into the blame game with feelings of resentment towards him, which is not conducive to maintaining civility. Each side will blame the other, at least in the beginning when the pain is still fresh, and it will be extremely difficult to try and build a friendship with someone you still have feelings for that are not
of the platonic variety. Its not impossible, but it will take quite a while until both of you have truly gotten over not just your breakup but your feelings for each other as well.

However, you may find that you want to be friends and get along splendidly, almost as if you have never been apart, but this may not be the best idea for you right away because it doesn’t give you time to get over him emotionally. If you are spending most of your days together and are best friends, you may begin questioning whether or not the decision to separate was right and you will most likely end up depending on him emotionally again.

Another thing you will need to consider is that later on down the line, when you want to begin dating again, being best friends with your ex may be difficult for your new partner to handle. It wouldn’t be fair to him in any case and if you are spending a lot of time with
your ex, you should ask yourself whether you really are doing it for the kids or for yourself. Of course you should keep the lines of communication open and be friendly for your children so that they don’t suffer as a result of their parents fighting all the time, but
there are limits to how friendly you should be.

The problem with spending too much time with your ex after a relationship break up is that you will always be living in the past,. You will find it easier not to deal with the fact that your relationship is truly over because you are spending so much time together. In
essence, you will still be relying on him emotionally and you will find yourself reluctant to step outside this comfort zone you have created for yourself. In other words, you aren’t really dealing with the reality that your relationship is over because you are in his company so often that it feels like you are still together. Is this really what you want for
Yourself for the rest of your life?

It isn’t impossible to be friends, its just that you have to pick the right moment, namely after you are certain you don’t have feelings for him anymore and you have moved on. Consider how you will feel when someone new comes into his life and because you have been focusing so much on your friendship with him, you haven’t actually
managed to move on with your own. You will most likely be devastated and angry with him, when in this case it will be solely your fault because you created a relationship in your mind that really wasn’t there.

Being friends is great, but limit the time you spend or speak to him until you are absolutely 100% certain you are over him and have moved on. Plus, you will still need to set boundaries to make sure that he also understands the relationship is over, but we will discuss these a little later.

A few clear signs that you are over him include things such as seeing other men as interesting prospects, even if you are in your exs presence or being indifferent to whether or not your ex is with someone else, or finds another person attractive. There
are many more signals, but these will definitely be a sign that you are on the right track to getting over him completely.

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Fresh Start Tips While Getting Along With Your Ex

The key to a fresh start and being able to move on with your life is to cut those emotional ties that seemed to bind the two of you together like shackles. This is the time when you have to work on regaining your confidence, self worth, and most importantly the desire and will to live your own life as an individual.

The very first thing you have to do is get rid of any of your ex-spouses belongings as they will only serve to remind you of each and every painful memory. To be able to move on you have to get rid of these things or you will never be able to start a new life with constant reminders of him everywhere.

Another problem you may face is with your friends, as some of them may feel reticent to be in your presence as if your new status is somehow catching and may cause problems in their own marriages. However, you will find that most of them will eventually come around. Many will also be there for you to have a shoulder to cry on.

Dont divide your social acquaintances into ‘his friends and my friends’, as that may destroy valuable friendships of people who do not want to take sides. Don’t allow your anger and pain to push everyone away from you.

If you relied heavily on your partner throughout your marriage you may fear facing the world again and be terrified at the thought of having to support yourself and your family, but remember that you can be whoever you want to be and do whatever you want to do. You have to first believe in yourself and realize that you can be strong even without your partner at your side, because as soon as you regain your self-confidence the world will be your oyster and the sky will be your only limit.

If you are finding it difficult to rebuild your self-esteem there are some options available to you that you may find helpful. One way is to start a journal where you can write down whatever you are feeling or thinking which will help you gain a little insight into what problems you need to deal with. Support groups and networks are also an ideal way help you find yourself and also to meet new people. Another great resource you can consider are life coaches who will help you rediscover yourself by challenging you to connect and use your inner strength, even if you don’t think you have any.

To be able to move forward you have to let go of the past, especially if you want to maintain a healthy relationship with your ex spouse for your children’s sake. Pent up anger and resentment will do nothing to help anyone and it matters little who is to blame, as the relationship is clearly over and this will not benefit the children in any way, nor will it help you move on.

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Tips On Getting Over A Divorce

One of the most difficult things some people face in life is to successfully get over a divorce. This is because leaving behind memories and a shared life can be a very painful process and the period right after your breakup can be the most excruciating of all.

Not only is the pain of break-up involved, but you find yourself at a loss because you have been so used to being part of a couple that you are unsure of how to move on by yourself. Many people need to rediscover who they are inside after separation and this is a perfect way to help you get over your divorce.

Patience is key, as you cannot expect to feel wonderful immediately following an emotionally charged break up. However, the sooner you accept the fact that it will hurt for quite awhile the easier it will be for you to let go of your pain.

If you are prepared to deal with it you are more likely to keep it under control and within manageable levels. If you refuse to think about it or acknowledge it, all you will succeed in doing is sweeping the dust under the carpet because when it strikes, and it will, you will end up crippled by the onslaught of emotion.

Keeping yourself busy is a great way to work through this process either with work, physical activities or things that involve your creativity. You will keep your mind busy and away from wandering into the realm of depressive thoughts.

Physical exertion can often be a good way to keep depression at bay because it releases endorphins, our natural happy juice, which will help to keep you positive, plus you will be too tired from a workout at the gym to be able to do much more than fall straight into bed.

Another good way to let go of the pain is by expressing yourself, which you can easily do on a blog. This option presents multiple advantages and one of the most important ones is that you will meet people in similar situations who can help you with advice and show you that life has not ended. You should also consider searching out forms and support groups for people going through a divorce as you will find a lot of help and support.

All these activities will give your heart time to heal and will also give you the chance to discover what you enjoy doing on your own. You will find one day that the pain does not weigh as heavily and that it does not hurt to think about the whole situation, at least not as much as before when you felt as if you were pouring acid on an open wound. After a while, you will find that your feelings are becoming memories and that you can move on.

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