Immediate Relationship Rescue Mode Can Be Complicated

Every relationship begins with a sense of excitement and anticipation. There’s a lot of fun involved and both men and women enjoy discovering little things about their new partner.

Yet there are circumstances that can drive even the best couples apart. No matter how good you think your relationship is, there are some factors that could destroy even the closest partnership.

When this happens most couples go into immediate relationship rescue mode, trying to repair the damage that’s been done. Unfortunately these measures can sometimes cause your partner to retreat even further away from you. Some couples don’t even bother trying to repair the damage, believing the relationship is over.

This report is designed to look closely at some of the major reasons why relationships fail and what you can do to help mend the situation and put your partnership back together again.

There are a myriad of things that could go wrong in any relationship and sometimes they’re out of your control. Of course, sometimes those reasons might be directly related to something you’ve said or done without even knowing you’ve done anything wrong.

Hopefully you’ll be able to put the pieces together again stronger and better than it was before and continue your relationship with a new-found happiness.

Unfortunately there will be some situations where it may be worth reconsidering if your partner is really the right one for you at all.

Every relationship is different, just as every person is unique to themselves. We each have our little individual traits that sometimes other people love or they hate. This is also true of your partner.

There may also be those situations where no matter what you do or say, the relationship is still doomed to fail. In those circumstances, you need to remember that things happen for a reason. A failed relationship is devastating, but when there are reasons beyond your control for the break-down, the best option might just be to move on and learn from past experiences.

It’s time to look at some of the major causes of relationship break-downs – in no particular order – and what you can do to try and mend them.

Tomorrow’s article will continue the series of articles on “Immediate Relationship Rescue Mode”.

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How to Convert a Girlfriend to a “Friend With Benefits”

This article is going to be very direct and to the point about continuing a sexual relationship with the girlfriend you have broken up with.

Some guys have a girlfriend with whom they are sexually compatible with, but who, for some reason or other, does not make good girlfriend material. If this is the case, can you convert a girlfriend to “friends with benefits” or ” a sex buddy” status?

Generally “friends with benefits” means that you will hang out together sometimes, particularly in groups, and that you will sleep together, but that you will have an understanding that it is not a romantic relationship and that it is not leading to something bigger.

A “sex buddy” is someone with whom you sleep with occasionally but do not ever socialize with outside the bedroom.

If you are going to turn your girlfriend into someone with whom you continue to sleep with, you should not have the “break up conversation” right away. Instead, start to distance yourself from her first. Stop going out with her as often, return her phone calls more
sporadically, and stop being there emotionally for her.

Once you have “the talk” do some specific things to let her know that the romantic portion of the relationship is over. For instance, never have sex in your bed again. Either go to her place and not spend the night or have sex on the couch at your place.

Don’t do “boyfriend” things any longer. For instance, you don’t buy your sex buddy a dozen roses for Valentine’s day. And, you wouldn’t spend more money on a Christmas present for a “friend with benefits” than you would on any other friend. You also shouldn’t lend her money
as this complicates the relationship.

Don’t see her more than once a week or so. You should be dating other girls and not have time for more than a once a week encounter.

Don’t let her introduce you as her boyfriend. You don’t want to let her think of you this way, even if it does smooth the waters at times.

Finally, you should try to avoid getting involved with her family and the circle of friends that is “hers” (as opposed to your mutual friends.) Again, you are not her boyfriend. She is not entitled to have you as a boyfriend substitute even if you are sleeping with her.

Conclusion

Yes, breaking up is hard to do. And, if you care about your girlfriend and don’t want to break her heart, you have to approach it right. Just remember these three things:

1. No matter what you do to mitigate it, if there was ever love in the relationship, it will hurt both of you to break up. This hurt is part of life.

2. There is never a perfect time or perfect place to break up. Keep her feelings and life circumstances in mind when you choose to break up, but know that it’s never going to be “just right.”

3. If the relationship isn’t working, you are doing both you and her a favor by allowing you to move on and find people with whom you can build a real life. Even if you love your girlfriend, you have to set her free to find her true love. And, you have to be free to find
yours.

Let Her Know Your Decision is Final

There are any number of products on the market about “how to get your ex back.” You don’t want her buying these after you break up with her as the games she starts to play will make your life miserable.

These products recommend:
* That she date your best friend to make you jealous
* That she show up at places where you typically hang out and then ignore you to make you jealous
*That she use your past history to lure you in

And on and on. If you don’t want her playing post-break up head trip games, you need to make it very clear that the relationship is over.

One of the best things you can do following a break up is to exchange “stuff” and clear accounts. If she has stuff at your house, box it up and take it over to her. Ask for all of your stuff back too. This includes the little things as well as anything major. For instance, you probably can afford to buy a new toothbrush, but if you leave your toothbrush at her house, it is a sign to her that she still has a piece of you.

There is an analogy in therapeutic circles to this. If a person says that they don’t need or want therapy and leaves the session but forgets to grab their hat or handbag, the therapist knows that they will be coming back. If you don’t grab your stuff, she may think that you are
wanting more from her.

If you owe her money, pay up, even if it means getting a loan from someone else. You don’t want the financial entanglements. Encourage her to pay you back anything she owes you. If you share bank accounts or real estate, you need to sort things out as soon as possible.

You may have to go to civil court for a Judgment on who owns what. (Had you been married, this would have happened in family court.)

Also, once you have broken up, don’t turn to her to meet your emotional needs. She will (rightly) see this as a sign that you still need and want her. You have to close the door on that relationship and look to other people to meet your emotional needs.

You have to decide whether you are going to remain friends after the break up. Some women can handle being friends with an ex while others never get over a guy as long as they see him.

If you think she won’t be able to handle being friends, you have to make some decisions about how to proceed. For instance, are there some mutual friends that you will claim and some that she’ll get “custody” of? Will you continue to go to the same church or will you need to find one where she is not a member? If you work at the same place, do you need to start thinking about changing jobs? Some women are psycho enough to require this kind of thinking on your part.

Tomorrow’s article will show you how you may be able to convert an ex girlfriend into a friend with benefits.

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Dealing With Her Reaction When You Break Up

You know your girlfriend better than almost anyone else, so you may be able to predict how she will react. Some of the ways women react to being told the relationship is over is to cry, have hysterics, scream at you, throw things, and storm out. Unless you perceive that there is
any chance of real violence, you just have to put up with whatever scene she causes. That’s the price of breaking up.

You can’t control her, but you can control your reaction to her. For instance, when she cries, you can start crying too. That will really throw her. It doesn’t have to be a sloppy cry, but a tear or two might stop her in her tracks.

If she starts yelling, you can take it with stoic silence. If she wants to know why you are doing this, you can soothe her and lie.

If she doesn’t say anything, don’t fill up the silence with explanations. Let her finish her dinner in silence and let her leave.

Be prepared for her arguments about why you should remain a couple. She may promise anything if you will agree to stay together. But, by the time you have decided to break up, you should already know that there is nothing she or you can do to change the situation and you
are both better off single.

Whatever you do, you should have a disentanglement strategy. Perhaps you can schedule an appointment for one hour after the break up meeting time. If this is an appointment that you just can’t miss, you will have to walk out of there composed.

How to Tell Her

Now we get to the nitty-gritty. How should you tell your girlfriend that you are breaking up? Avoid psychobabble. She’ll see right through it. Saying “it’s not you, it’s me” is meaningless because she is going to know that it really is her. You are not calling all women off. You’re
calling her off.

Be clear that you are breaking up with her and there is no room for discussion. This is a decision you have made and it requires no input or discussion on her part.

Be concise. You don’t have to drag it out if you don’t want to. She can cry on her girlfriends’ shoulders. You are no longer her punching bag.

You may feel that you have to offer explanations, but you really don’t. You are not doing her any favors by telling her that she is a nag or that you are tired of her manipulating you. It won’t help her be a better girlfriend for another guy. She’ll just use your words against you. And, you won’t get anything out of it.

Perhaps the best line is “I don’t think we’re a good fit anymore.” Leave it at that and walk away if you’re smart.

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No Break Up By Proxy Continued

There are exceptions to this “no break up by proxy rule” including:

You are in middle school

It has been an entirely virtual relationship (email personals, Second Life relationship)

You are in a long distance relationship in which case the phone is okay, but email is still a sucky way to go.

If you think the break up may result in violence, it is acceptable to call it off without your personal presence.

One advantage of not being present when breaking up with someone is that you don’t have to be with them or deal with their emotions when you call things off. This is counterbalanced with the disadvantages which include:
* The person will think less of you
* You ill come off as more of a jerk than you really are
* Your dumping will be recorded and shared with all of her girlfriends.
* It may feel incomplete to you.

If you have a wide circle of friends in common, work together, attend church together, or for any reason are going to continue to see each other, do not break up by electronic means. It will come back to haunt you.

So, if you have to do it in person, where should it be?

One place people think about breaking up is at her house or yours. But, you should consider whether this is a good idea as well.

If you go over to her house, you have to find a way to exit gracefully. If you do it at your house, you have the problem of finding a way to get her to leave. Either way, it tends to not have a sense of resolution.

Furthermore, you are going to live at your house (and she at hers) so breaking up at home will leave negative residual memories at the place of the break up. If you break up at a restaurant, she can just avoid that eating place from now on. It is a lot harder to avoid one’s
couch.

If you live together, the home break up is even more complicated. One of you will have to move out. If you are preparing to break up, you should have a plan for where to spend the night and how you are going to get your stuff.

Unless you own the residence in your name only, you should assume that you are the one who has to move out and make plans accordingly. If there is a logical reason why she should do the moving out, you should still be prepared to temporarily decamp so that she has the
time to make new arrangements.

So, that leaves public places as the optimal place to break up. There are many reasons why breaking up in public is the way to go.

For one thing, she is less likely to become emotional or dramatic when there are people around. You can say your piece. For another thing, once you have said your piece, you can leave. She is also free to leave at any time.

Now, she can get emotional, throw her glass of wine in your face, and have dramatic hysterics. This would be embarrassing for you. But, you don’t know these people and you will never see them again. Breaking up in a public place is preferable to all of the other options.

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no breaking up

Get the Timing Right When You Break Up

There is never a “good”time to break up with a girl. But, there are some times that are worse than others. For instance, breaking up with a girl just before Christmas, Valentine’s Day or her birthday really sucks! (This is especially true if you just don’t want to buy her a present.)

If she has major events in her life going on, it may be best to wait until after they have been resolved. For instance, if you have been in a long term relationship with a girl and she has her comprehensive exams for a master’s degree coming up in two weeks, it would probably
be the gentlemanly thing to do to wait.

Perhaps no life event is more stressful than having a major medical happening. Don’t be like former House Speaker Newt Gingrich who presented the divorce papers to his first wife when she was recovering from Breast Cancer surgery. Not only does this make you a cad, it makes you look like a cad!

But recognize that there’s always something going on, both in your life and in hers. If you delay the break up for a specific event and then find there is another event on the horizon, at some point you are just going to have to bite the bullet and call the whole thing off, whatever
the circumstances.

Places to Break Up and Places to Avoid Breaking Up

Figuring out where to break up can be as difficult as finding the words to say. But selecting the proper break up venue is critical.

First of all, you never, ever want to break up in a car. The reason why is pretty obvious: it could be dangerous! But, there is also the consideration that neither of you can walk away when tensions are high.

Most car break ups aren’t planned. A typical car break up is more of a spontaneous outburst, perhaps with an underlying intent to break up soon.

For instance, you are at a party and you see her flirting with another guy. You have been thinking about breaking up with her already, but this really gets your goat. So, on the way home (after having a couple of drinks no less), you start arguing. She says she was just
being friendly. You accuse her of having an affair with the guy. Pretty soon, you are shouting at each other. The car is swerving all over the road. She’s crying. And you finally say, “I’ve
had it. We’re through.”

This is not the best way to break up!

Another bad way to break up is when you avoid doing it in person. Whether you send a letter, text, email, or make a phone call, you’re hiding behind technology. Not only does this make you a coward, but she’s going to tell all of her friends what a coward you were.

Besides, Britney Spears broke up with Kevin Federline by email. Do you want to be so Britney?

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Kinds of Break Ups

You don’t love her, she doesn’t love you. This is perhaps the easiest relationship to break off. Perhaps you haven’t been together long or alternatively, you’ve drifted so far apart that you don’t even remember what brought you together in the first place. In any case, while the

“encounter” of breaking up may be difficult, you’ll both heal quickly.

You don’t love her, she loves you. When you have fallen out of love with your girlfriend, but she passionately loves you, breaking up is hard. This really is a case of “it’s not you, it’s me.”

But, that message is hard to convey in anything less than a trite way. You have to break up so that both of you can move on. Remember, it is better to set her free to find someone who can love her like she deserves.

You love her, she doesn’t love you. This is the so-called “defensive break up.” She may be sticking around for any number of reasons, but she doesn’t love you any more. You owe it to yourself to find someone who can care about you like you deserve.

You love her, she loves you, it wasn’t meant to be. This is the hardest kind of break up. You both love each other, but something – religion, family, timing, you name it – is standing in your

way. You have to be honest. Continuing the relationship is futile. You are both better off ending the relationship now rather than getting deeper when the relationship can never end in

marriage.

Ways to Prepare Her for the Break Up

You don’t have to rush into a break up just because you have decided to call it off. Giving her some time to get used to the idea can be the nicest thing you do for her.

For instance, you can stop having as much time for her. This will push her into finding ways to spend her time without you. She will also start to look at other guys as they are filling the attention void you leave open.

You can also stop catering to her needs. If you dress a certain way to please her or modify your driving style when she is with you, you should start doing what you please. This will make you less attractive to her.

There are some juvenile tricks that can be employed as well:

* Let yourself go – she’ll wonder why she ever wanted you!

* Be a bad date – she’ll start looking at other guys with envy.

* Compare her to her mother – that is sure to make her mad at you and prepare her for what is coming.

You should also try to prepare her by bringing up the subject of breaking up. You can pull a trick out of the girlfriend bag and ask to have a “relationship talk,” (“where do you think this relationship is going…”) Ask her where she thinks the relationship is going and if she sees it as a good thing.

These things will help her mentally prepare for the break up. Who knows, maybe she’ll even go as far as initiating the break up herself; saving you the trouble.

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Are You Really Thinking About Dumping Your Girlfriend?

Are you thinking about dumping your girlfriend? Chances are, if you are thinking about it, the relationship is already over. Now, what you have to decide is how to do it.

As the song says, “breaking up is hard to do.” There are so many reasons that you put it off.

For one thing, it’s easier to just keep on keeping on. Having a girlfriend is convenient. It means not having to be alone on a cold night, not having to come up with a pick up line, and not having your family wonder why you didn’t bring a date to cousin Sophie’s wedding.

For another thing, part of you still loves your girlfriend. You know that breaking up will break her heart. So, you wait – for just the right time, for just the right place, and for just the right words to say.

Guess what? It is going to be hard whenever you do it. So, make the commitment to break up and then find a way to do it. Most of the time, women are the ones who initiate a split in a relationship. So, why do guys break up with their girlfriends? Here are 10 good reasons to call it quits:

#10 – She nags you. If she acts like she’s your mother and you are 4 years old, the relationship just isn’t going to work. If you constantly are telling her, “stop nagging,” it’s a good time to break up.

#9 – She doesn’t appreciate you. Let’s face it, there are plenty of women who will see you for the compassionate, loving guy you are. If she doesn’t think you are a great guy, dump her and find someone who does.

#8 – She’s too emotional. A girl who is high maintenance is the pits. And, when the maintenance has to do with taking care of her emotions, sometimes it’s better to cut free.

#7 – She manipulates you. Some women feel that they can only get what they need through manipulation. In fact, they would rather play games than ask nicely. If you feel like she is too manipulative, it is a good idea to get out of the relationship.

#6 – She underestimates you. Nothing is more frustrating than having to constantly prove yourself to someone who should be your biggest cheerleader. If she is constantly surprised when you succeed or if she undermines your success, you should consider getting out of the

relationship.

#5 – She stops putting out. There are lots of reasons why having a steady girlfriend is wonderful. But let’s face it, the number one reason is that you know you’ll have someone there at the end of a Saturday night. If she stops giving it to you on a regular basis, it’s time

to find your fortune elsewhere.

#4 – She tries to change you. There is a play called “I love you. You”re perfect. Now change.” That sums up what happens in all too many relationships. A woman falls in love with you and thinks you are the perfect man and then finds all kinds of reasons why you should change. If she tries to stop you from being the person you are and the person you want to be, get out.

#3 – She cheats on you. Whether it is a one night stand or a secret relationship with a coworker, a woman’s cheating can drive a stake through the heart of a relationship. Unless you are prepared to forgive and then completely forget the affair, you have to break the

relationship off. The cheating will fester like a wound and destroy your relationship.

#2 – She doesn’t love you anymore. Do you feel that she has fallen out of love with you but doesn’t know how to end it? Is inertia all that is keeping you together? If so, you might have to be the one who calls it quits.

#1 – You don’t love her anymore. If you love her like a sister or friend but just don’t have the romantic feelings that sustain an intimate relationship, you owe it to her to be honest. Sure, she’s going to hurt. A lot. But you are better off setting her free to find someone who loves

her like she deserves.

Go ahead and reread this article and give it some thought and you will shortly begin to realize that all the above 10 reasons are indeed some of the same reason you have put off dumping your girlfriend. In the next article in this series of articles we will continue to discuss the type of break ups. Stay Tuned!

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Keeping the Passion Alive

As we have mentioned before, the key to keeping the passion alive is keep doing all those little things that made you happy in the beginning. What many people don’t realize is that the “chemical attraction” they think wears off in time is not pure hormones responding, but more about the mental connection we have with a person.

This should be a concept to make us all happy because this means that the more time we spend in a relationship with someone the greater our connection and therefore the greater the passion.

But, as with anything, you have to work at keeping it alive and not just allow yourself to be taken in by the idea that it is normal for passion to die after a number of years. This is just not true. Passion dies because we begin to take it for granted and think that we don’t have to do anything anymore.

Let’s imagine that right now you feel nothing can rekindle the passion. Just close your eyes and visualize a candlelit dinner with your partner, both of you dressed to impress, followed by a nice, long romantic walk on the beach. That scenario definitely tends to inject more passion into a relationship than both of you barely grunting at each other that you are tired and there’s so much to do that you don’t have time for each other.

Another common problem is time. You never have time, right? Well, you could probably schedule a romantic evening for the both of you at least once a month, after you have your priorities in order.

Ask yourself what is more important to you: watching a rerun on television or spending time with the one person who can empower you and who will always be there for you? Try cutting down on television time and you may be surprised how much free time you really do have.

Don’t let yourself take things for granted because life with the person you love and who loves you can be amazingly fulfilling and beautiful. But it’s only as beautiful as we allow it to be, so commit to changing yourself and your relationship and you will become a better person as you live the life of your dreams.

In conclusion, if you commit to your relationship then you will find you will completely avoid the pain of a breakup happening again, because the more you give the more you will receive.

There is no obstacle in life that cannot be overcome together and if you create a lasting relationship in which you empower each other then you will find that nothing can stand in your way. Conquer your fears and insecurities so you can create the truly extraordinary life you deserve, with your partner by your side.

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Creating a Lasting Relationship

So you have succeeded to win your ex back and are in a relationship with the person you love again. You need to focus on the importance of creating lasting change and not a temporary solution. This means that you will have to uncover what truly drives your partner, their fears, pain as well as pleasure.

Humans do everything they do to protect themselves from pain or to gain pleasure. Usually, the avoidance of pain is more powerful than gaining pleasure so people will run away and do everything in their power to avoid pain.

Now, if you are back together again that means you have succeeded in rebuilding their trust in you and they believe that you will deliver. So whatever you do, don’t fall back into your old patterns or you will undo all of your work in moments. No matter your fears or insecurities, you have to set them aside and stop expecting the worst as this will ultimately come through and it will become a self fulfilling prophecy.

Even when things are great people still have the tendency to try and protect themselves from pain because they believe it’s too good to last. When you start thinking like that you begin to pull away and creating walls to protect yourself even though nothing has happened.

Society seems to thrive on pain and we have been conditioned to believe that good things don’t last. But the only reason they don’t last is because we don’t allow them to by allowing our fears to take control of us and eventually sabotaging ourselves.

Another reason relationships end is because we allow ourselves to start taking things for granted after a while as we get caught up in other aspects of our lives and we no longer do all those little things that used to make the relationship wonderful. A relationship is just like a flower that needs to be nurtured and cared for to thrive and but we allow our self to forget how wonderful we felt when we were giving the relationship everything we have.

The way you can avoid this is by maintaining awareness and focusing on giving to your partner rather than receiving. Don’t allow yourself to lapse into that state of familiarity where you no longer take care of yourself or do those small things that bring a smile to your significant others face.

Remember that feeling of joy you get when you see them smile and see the happiness on your face as that will help keep your focus. Your partner will automatically respond to your actions so that you will both avoid the traps of familiarity. As they say, familiarity breeds contempt, which is definitely something you want to avoid.

Variety is the spice of life and small things can have such a big impact on a relationship that your love and passion can last a lifetime. Just because you have been together for years does not mean you shouldn’t bring her flowers or you shouldn’t wait for him in your sexy under-things.

You need to remember what you did at the beginning of the relationship that made it wonderful and what you did that showed your partner you loved them.

The key to a lasting relationship is for both of you to understand what the other needs to feel completely loved. You shouldn’t just focus on what you need but on what your partner needs as well. Of course, it’s also important not to give yourself over completely to just fulfilling your partner’s needs to the exclusion of your own.

You need to strike a balance between making sure you’re both getting what you need out of the relationship.

For example, if your partner feels loved only when you tell them you love them but you have just been buying them things then they won’t feel your love even though you think you are doing your best.

On the other hand maybe you need to be held to feel loved but your partner doesn’t know this is what you need so they keep telling you how they feel. By identifying each others emotional needs and how you can satisfy them you will find that your relationship will weather any storm life may throw at it.

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